I Love You! (But How Much?)

It might sound silly, but for Valentine’s Day I handed out little valentines with Air Heads, something I haven’t done since elementary school. I spent last Sunday carefully deciding who would get which valentine. Suddenly, I was back in the first grade, debating who actually deserves “UR2 Cool!” and who could receive “Be Mine!” without thinking I had a crush on them. Obviously, none of the boys (out of the three boys who even got valentines) received “Be Mine!” I didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. Seriously, “Friends Forever” is a pretty big commitment. I worried about what my classmates would think of my valentines as a kid, and I was still worried about it in college. By college, we are all supposed to be mature enough to handle a goofy little valentine, so why was I stressing?

I was simply trying to be a good rhetor!

In the past we discussed our rhetorical audience. Our Penn State textbook (Rhetoric and Civic Life) has a chapter taken from The Harbrace Guide to Writing, by Cheryl Glenn, called Understanding the Rhetorical Situation (It’s chapter 5 for those of you who don’t remember and wish to re-read it).  This chapter has a picture of a rack of birthday cards and says, “Even when choosing a birthday card, you’re considering a rhetorical audience,” (RCL 115).

So really, I wasn’t wasting time by selectively choosing a valentine for each of my friends or acquaintances. My goal was to positively influence my audience by picking the perfect message (given I only had three options). Each message would influence my audience in a different way, and I needed to make sure I had everything just right.

What I thought each valentine would say to my audience:

Be Mine! – For girls: I love you, in that friendship kind of way. Let’s forget boys this Valentine’s Day. Who needs them anyways? We can do some serious retail therapy together.

For Boys: (the reason no boys received this one) Hi! I am single on Valentine’s Day and this foolish valentine is my way of telling you that I actually have a crush on you. So, if you want to grab dinner sometime, just the two of us…

Friends Forever! – We are friends and I like you, but if I wrote you an email I wouldn’t sign off with “Love Ya Girl (Boy)!” It’s a universal message that I could give to anyone. It’s the same as signing, “keep in touch” in a yearbook; whether you actually do or not, it doesn’t matter. We are friends, but forever might only mean until we aren’t living on the same floor anymore.

UR2 Cool! – Obviously, I think you’re cool. This valentine creates the perfect amount of distance for; “I’m just being nice and funny on this holiday, but you can’t read into this card because all I’m saying is ‘you’re cool’ and cool has become a broad and generic term.”

After picking out everyone’s valentines, I then had to decide who got what flavor of Air Head. Everyone knows you give your favorite people blue…